用塔罗记录日子

好久没记日记了，因为到了一个新国度，一切都很纷乱和忙碌。
我的牌没从国内带过来，我要去买一副新的牌，继续我的日记。

最近心情有些复杂，孤独的感觉又来席卷我了，塔罗能给我一些安宁。我要尽快去买一副新牌。

谢谢silence的鼓励！
昨天塔罗牌已经到了，我准备洗好牌，从明天开始正式回归了。不过不知道所谓的开牌是不是真的很重要，我从头到尾看一遍算不算是一种仪式、算不算是一种心与牌的沟通呢？

这次买的是universal的牌和书，全英文的，希望能对我的理解有所帮助吧。

今天抽到宝剑五，正位。这是我第N次抽到这张牌，我很不喜欢它。

The Image
An arrogant looking man is watching two people walking away from him on a beach. Their shoulders are drooping-a sign of defeat.

Symbolism
The swollen,grey clouds that fill the sky are a sign of restlessness of loss. These feelings are brought on by the main character's own fears of inadequacy.

The Arcanum
The imbalance of the Five is amplified by the character of the suit of Swords. Here the energy of thought suffers devastation: conflicts, quarrels, psychic aggression, self-destructive thinking. It seems that everything is going badly, but in reality, deep inner suffering is being reflected in external events. The Arcanum's advice is to consider the conflict as an integral part of our personal destiny. Only by casting off old truths can we reach higher ground. The keenest conflicts, if well understood, help us grow and make us stronger.

Meaning
We must face strong feelings of conflict, which  are frequently grounded more in our own psyche than in external events. In other words, while we might feel the victim of false accusations, gossip, or petty plots, we would do  better to recognize that these external effects are given energy by our own unrecognized feelings of inadequacy. It's now necessary to re-examine our objects. Some are beyond our reach. Some, if reached, will fail to give us the satisfaction that we had hoped for.

Light
Recognizing our own mental make up. Accepting defeat. Soul searching-Checking goals. New trip.

----------------------------------------------------------------

我真的很不喜欢这张牌，但是貌似我的性格里带有某些特质，具有攻击性，所以这张牌时不常就跳出来提醒提醒我。Today, everything is going without smooth.
我说话攻击性明显高于平时，咄咄逼人，而且听别人说话也总是感觉到对方的攻击性。我知道，这只是自己的情绪在作怪，事实并不是我看到的那样，我潜意识里的东西影响力事情的外在感受。可能最近压力太大了吧，没有时间休息。我要尽快调整自己。